


The Taste of Us is Bittersweet

by tinydancer123456789



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/M, Gen, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, One Night Stands, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post Mpreg, Self Confidence Issues, Unplanned Pregnancy, body image issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:59:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2093091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinydancer123456789/pseuds/tinydancer123456789
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>24 year old expert pastry chef Jared Padalecki thought he had everything under control in his life. Until a surprise pregnancy resulting from a one night stand changed everything. Jared was ecstatic at the prospect of becoming a father but a miscarriage late in the pregnancy pulled him down into a spiral of depression. </p><p>When the owner of the elite Chicago restaurant that Jared works at, Alan Ackles, brings his son in to help him run the place Jared is shocked to see his college boyfriend Jensen. </p><p>Jensen tries to reconnect with Jared and things get messy when Jared finds himself pregnant yet again and unsure if he’s emotionally stable enough to get himself through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Taste of Us is Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile since I've written so I'm a little rusty but I'm really excited for this story. All mistakes are my own, although I try my best to check for grammar issues. Any feedback is appreciated.

Jared woke up every day with an overwhelming feeling of _wrong _.__

__Jared had always been a generally optimistic person. Cheerful, and friendly to everyone he met. So the feeling of dysphoria that he’d been experiencing for the past eight weeks was… crippling._ _

__Jared stared at his reflection in the mirror briefly, he ran a hand through his too long hair so that it looked somewhat presentable. He tugged at his plain black t-shirt, it was too tight, like most of his clothes were. The weight he was reluctant to lose was still settled around his middle and strained against the t-shirt. His pants dug into his hips slightly, in a way that nobody but him would really notice. He was grateful that the white jacket of his uniform was large and that the fabric was stiff enough to cover everything that Jared was desperate to pretend wasn’t there and wanted to keep at the same time._ _

__No matter how many cups of coffee he drank in the morning, the bitter liquid never made him perk up. His shoulders slouched, he hung his head, his feet shuffled zombie-like as he worked. He knew Alan would get fed up with his attitude at work eventually. No matter how patient and helpful his boss had been the past few months Jared knew it was unfair to his boss and co-workers to keep acting the way he was. But Jared couldn’t pull himself out of it, he was slogging through life._ _

__Jared and his assistants were the first to arrive at the restaurant every morning. His shift started pre-dawn most days and he had the privilege of owning a key to unlock the back door that lead to kitchen. Felicia, and Osric were already waiting for him by the back door, he felt bad because the morning was chilly and he could see Felicia crossing her arms to shield herself from the wind._ _

__“Morning Jare.” She said quietly and gave him a quick one-armed hug. Felicia always seemed less vibrant around Jared nowadays. Everyone did. It was like they were walking on egg-shells. Sometimes it was frustrating and sometimes it was appreciated. He couldn’t make up his mind. Osric just nodded at him with a tight grin._ _

__“Alright guys,” Jared said as he unlocked the door and let his friends/co-workers in. “Get started with the prep for tonight. I have some budgets to look over for the department.” He said curtly. Budgeting was Jared’s least favorite part of the job but it had to be done. Jared hunkered down and flipped open the binder dedicated to budgets for the pastry kitchen and turned on his tablet._ _

__The kitchen was usually quiet until the rest of the staff came in to prepare for the brunch crowd. But with less staff the pastry kitchen was always a little more secluded than the main kitchen. Jared used to enjoy floating back and forth between the kitchens and seeing the chefs, and the wait staff but he didn’t much have the energy for being social at work anymore._ _

__He knew a few hours had already passed when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and looked up from the table full of work to see Alan standing above him with a soft smile. The older man was wearing his usual work attire. Professional looking slacks and a silk button down shirt. Always paired with the perfect tie. The restaurant owner squeezed Jared’s shoulder in greeting._ _

__“How’s it going, Jared?” He asked, “You alright?”_ _

__Jared didn’t like lying to his boss, the man that had done so much for him in the past two years so he just settled for sighing and quickly changing the subject. “Felicia and I were thinking of testing out a new cheesecake recipe this weekend. We can bring in some samples for you to try once we get it all worked out. Osric used to make a version of it when he was in school and everyone loved it so I though—“_ _

__“I’m sure it’ll be great son.” Alan cut Jared off with a chuckle. The older man frowned as he looked at Jared again. “You look tired. You know you can take the afternoon off, I’m sure Osric could handle everything this evening on his own.”_ _

__Jared almost snapped at his boss right then, but managed to refrain. “I’m fine.” He said quietly._ _

__But he wasn’t._ _

__He was tired, he was always tired and seriously uninterested in anything. A sign of depression Osric had gently informed him last week. He wasn’t depressed, he was just healing. The books all said it was okay to take some time to heal… but then again they all said that maybe he should be moving on by now. Or a while ago actually. The books said that he should actually be trying again if he wanted to._ _

__Trying. Jared hated that word. He hadn’t even tried in the first place._ _

__Work kept him distracted and eventually he finished up the budget books and got up to help Osric and Felicia with prep. Some days working with the rows upon rows of pastries soothed him, he was still doing what he loved every day but other days the sweet smelling food made him dizzy and all he wanted was to go home and curl up in his room, so that he didn’t have to face the world or friends or his boss or anything._ _

__Dinner was by far the busiest time of day at work. A reservation at the elite restaurant was hard for most people to come by and they frequently were wait-listed. Jared always made sure the pastries were fresh and decorated perfectly for the dinner guests. His shift extended far past the restaurant’s closing though. He had to spend hours cleaning around the kitchen. Usually Alan left after the last of the dinner reservations had gone home, and after he’d checked on his employees and manager. So Jared was surprised when he called the remaining staff out of the kitchen late in the shift to come to the front of the restaurant._ _

__Alan was beaming as his staff gathered up front in the seating area. Jared was exhausted and felt himself leaning against Felicia as they shuffled out front. Matt, the young sous chef patted Jared on the back as he spotted him. Jared used to hang out with Matt all the time, before he’d decided to greatly reduce his social circle to just Osric and Felicia._ _

__Jared gave him a small smile and wave._ _

__“Alright guys,” Alan clapped his hands together excitedly to get the attention of his staff. “I want you guys to all meet someone very important to me. You’ve probably heard me talk about him but he’s never been to this chain of the restaurant in the past few years. This is my son, Jensen.” Alan grinned and gestured to the young man standing beside him. Jared’s head snapped up as he heard that name. The young man had Alan’s features and he was around Jared’s age, maybe a year or two older. The pink pouted lips, bright green eyes, and sprinkle of freckles normally would have made Jared’s heart flutter but now all he felt was a dull sense of surprise. Jared let his eyes roam over Jensen as Alan continued with introductions. “Jensen’s going to be helping me out here until he gets all settled and finds a job of his own,”_ _

__Beside him Felicia practically choked, and Osric elbowed her roughly. Jared just frowned at his friends’ strange behavior. “Come on, let’s finishing cleaning up.” Jared gestured for his friends to follow him back to the kitchen as the crowd started to disperse._ _

__“Aren’t you going to introduce yourself?” Felicia asked, peering over at Jensen who was currently shaking hands with about half the staff._ _

__“No,” Jared said curtly, knowing where Felicia was going with her notion._ _

__“Jared don’t you think it’s time to—”_ _

__“No.” Jared snapped again, turning on his heel and heading back towards the kitchen. Felicia and Osric followed a few minutes later, presumably after meeting Jensen. Jared was exhausted by the time they finished up and he hurried out to his car to avoid saying goodbye to his friends._ _

__Once he was safely inside the confines of his car, Jared let himself relax. It happened like that every day after work. He would lock himself in the front seat, let the car sit in the lot for a few minutes, and he would try to work out everything he felt that day. It never did much help. Usually he found himself slumped in his seat with tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. He didn’t really have a reason to cry, so it always just made him feel pathetic._ _

__Jared was tired of feeling so sad._ _

__And he’d never expected to see Jensen Ackles again, and Jared really thought he should’ve connected Alan’s surname to Jensen because really how many Ackles could there be but Alan mostly talked about his oldest son, and his daughter. Not that Jared paid much attention to it but really Jared should’ve figured it out._ _

__He hated seeing people he used to know. Most of them were either confused or offended by Jared’s change in attitude, most of them had no idea what had happened and he preferred not to rehash it with them. He especially didn’t want to explain it to Jensen._ _

__Jared groaned as he felt a cramp in his abdomen. He shifted in the driver’s seat and kneaded the spot gently. He knew it wasn’t really there. Phantom cramps, he liked to call them. Ones that his mind made up whenever he got stressed. His older brother had told him it was probably normal but Jared just wished his body would let go of the past so that his mind could as well._ _

__He really needed to let go._ _

__\---_ _

__Felicia and Osric came over to Jared’s apartment that weekend to help with a Cheesecake sampler. A new recipe always took some time to get right so the process involved some trial and error. There was some really good cake and some terrible mishaps. It was easier to work with them at home, that’s usually when they talked. They always seemed to have the same conversation nowadays though._ _

__“Jared,” Felicia started up as she washed a mixing bowl in the sink. “I just think you’ll feel better if you have someone to talk to.”_ _

__“I talk to you guys.” He replied quickly._ _

__“A professional I mean, besides you never listen to what I have to say.” Felicia put a hand on her hip and glared at Jared, daring him to contradict her._ _

__“Fel’s right.” Osric piped up. “None of this healthy Jay, and it’s not going to make you feel any better no matter what you make yourself believe.” The smaller man set down his bowl and faced Jared._ _

__Felicia’s glaring expression suddenly softened to this sad pitying look she got whenever she looked at Jared too long. The red-head stepped forward and grabbed Jared’s hand. “We have this conversation over and over again. You never listen. We just want our old Jared back.” She sighed and stepped closer. Felicia guided Jared’s hand as well as her own down to his torso. To the spot in between his hips where it was the fullest. “There’s nothing here Jared.” She pressed their hands into it a little more. “You’re holding on to almost fifteen pounds of nothing.”_ _

__“Are you saying that I’m overweight?” Jared raised an eyebrow, “Because I checked, I’m not. So what if I’m a little heavier? I just—“_ _

__“You’re keeping the weight on purpose.” Osric cut him off. “You’re torturing yourself. I see you touch your stomach sometimes. That’s not moving on.”_ _

__“What if I don’t want to move on.” Jared mumbled quietly._ _

__“You have to.” Felicia and Osric said in unison._ _

__Jared stared blankly at his friends for a few moments. His head was trying to process the information that he’d heard over and over again. He didn’t want to move on, it hurt too much._ _

__One minute he was staring at his friend’s expectant faces and the next he was sobbing. Loud shuddering sobs that made him feel like he was going to break in half. He had his head in Felicia’s shoulder and he could feel Osric holding him, practically clinging to his back like a koala._ _

__“I’m supposed to have a baby.” He sobbed loudly. Jared could feel his heartbreaking all over again but he couldn’t stop. “I’m supposed to be in my third trimester. I’m supposed to be fat and tired and feeling her kicking.” He sniffled before another sob tore it’s way up his throat._ _

__“I know, shh. I know sweetheart.” Felicia soothed, she sounded close to crying too as she rubbed Jared’s back and let him get tears and snot all over her shirt. Suddenly the warmth on his back was gone and Jared pulled his face away from Felicia to see Osric sitting rigidly in his seat around the kitchen island. He looked pale and he kept opening his mouth, about to say something._ _

__He took a shaky breath. “You know I was pregnant once too.”_ _

__Jared choked on his own sob and Felicia’s eyes widened comically. “What?” she asked incredulously. “Osric since when do you like guys?”_ _

__“I don’t.” he shrugged, “But it was high school, and I was experimenting.” He said somewhat sheepishly. “You know my mom, she would have had a conniption. I was only fourteen so I hid it from her as long as I could, which was stupid I might add because I almost missed my window of opportunity.”_ _

__“So y-y-you…” Jared stuttered, grappling with the words._ _

__“Got an abortion yeah. But like I said, I was only fourteen. I didn’t even have the emotional capacity to feel upset about it. But I did feel… empty, when it was over. I get why you want to keep on the extra weight Jare but it’s not going to change anything.” He sighed and reached out to rub Jared’s back again. “Seriously just start up your morning runs again, the weight will just fall off and you can start getting back to normal. Box-up your paternity clothes for now too. You’ll start feeling like yourself in no time.”_ _

__“I just…” Jared sighed and shook his head. “I just wanted to be a dad. I know I wasn’t all that happy at first but I got so excited and I loved her. I really did and it was all my fault.”_ _

__“It was not your fault. You can try again. The book said it’s okay to start trying if you feel ready.” Felicia pointed out. Jared still couldn’t believe she’d actually read the book. The horribly depressing self-help book about dealing with miscarriages. Jared still looked at his bookmarked pages sometimes._ _

__“Try with who? I’ve been single since I was a sophomore in college and I really don’t like the idea of finding another one-night stand solely for the purpose of getting myself knocked up again. Besides, I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” He mulled that thought over before speaking. “It would just feel like I’m replacing her and that’s not what I want.”_ _

__“We’ll figure it out Jare. We always do.” Felicia comforted._ _

__Jared wasn’t so sure._ _

__\---_ _

__Osric was right about the weight thing. Jared did feel a little better after he went for a run the next morning. He used to run every day, but didn’t have the energy to once he found out he was pregnant. And he really didn’t have the energy to after the miscarriage. He knew that after a couple weeks of running his body would start getting back to the way it was before he’d gotten pregnant._ _

__As these thoughts ran through his head Jared felt one of those phantom cramps in his abdomen and he tried to stop but his momentum got the best of him and he tripped forwards, plowing right into another jogger rounding the corner. His knees hit the pavement and he winced a little bit._ _

__“Oh my god are you okay? I wasn’t even looking where I was going, sorry.” The other jogger apologized and Jared felt large hands pulling him to his feet._ _

__“No that was my fault. I can get so clumsy sometimes…” Jared trailed off as he realized who he’d just run into._ _

__“Yeah, I remember.” Jensen said with a small smile. “I’m actually glad I ran into you, quite literally.” He chuckled to himself, just like his father always did. “We didn’t really get to speak the other day.”_ _

__“Uh, sorry about that.” Jared rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I was kind of busy.”_ _

__“It’s alright. Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again, gesturing to Jared’s torso. He belatedly realized that his hand was still pressed to his middle despite the fact that the cramp had disappeared as quickly as it came._ _

__“Oh.” Jared blushed and quickly took his hand away, “I’m fine.”_ _

__Jared couldn’t have thought of a worse time in his life to see Jensen again. He must’ve looked like a train wreck to the almost ken-doll like man. His hair was too long and he had stubble making him look even scruffier. He was sweaty, panting, and red in the face from jogging for the first time in almost seven months and being out of shape. Not to mention that his tight under armor t-shirt and blue basketball shorts did nothing to hide the excess weight still settling around his middle and hips. Jensen on the other hand looked perfect. Even with a slight sheen of sweat covering his forehead._ _

__They hadn’t even dated that long. Less than six months, and at this point it was four years ago. Jensen had been the last steady relationship Jared had been in. Of course he had dated since then, but never for more than a few weeks. Jared and Jensen had been casual, and fun. They hadn’t dated long enough to know the details of each other’s family life so Jared didn’t feel all that bad about not realizing his boss for the past almost two years had been Jensen’s father, but it was still a bit of a shock. It really was a small world._ _

__The break-up had been mutual and Jared could barely remember the reason for it. Probably wanting to focus on school. College had tons of experiences that easily distracted Jared and Jensen had been one of them. They still saw each other occasionally until the following year when Jensen had graduated._ _

__“So,” Jensen spoke, breaking Jared out of his thoughts. “My dad doesn’t know that we…”_ _

__“Went out in college,” Jared finished, “Yeah I figured. I’ve been working for him for two years and it’s never come up. I didn’t even know you were his son.”_ _

__“I take it your two friends don’t know either? I met them at the restaurant. Smart red-head and the small Asian dude.” Jensen supplied. “They were talking about you though, saying sorry that you were too busy to come say hi.”_ _

__“My assistants yeah. Osric and Felicia. They’re good friends, my best friends.” Jared smiled._ _

__“We should all hang out sometime. You, me, them, and Matt.” Jensen suggested._ _

__“Matt?” Jared asked, “Matt Cohen? The sous chef?”_ _

__“Yeah. We were roommates down in LA before he moved here to work for Pops. I’m staying with him now too until I figure what I’m going to do outside the restaurant.” Jensen’s face lit up as he talked about his friend. “We could find a bar. It’ll be great.”_ _

__“Uhm.” Jared shuffled his feet nervously. “I don’t know, I’m not really one for going out anymore.” He held his breath and waited for the inevitable reaction. The one he always got whenever he turned down an invitation out. People still weren’t used to the fact that Jared was no longer the social butterfly and life of the party that he used to be._ _

__Jensen’s smile faltered and his eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Well okay. Offer still stands. Tell your friends and sleep on it. Bye Jared.” Jensen gave him a small wave before jogging away, in the opposite direction Jared was going._ _

__Jared took a few moments to take some deep breaths. Jensen Ackles always did make him a little dizzy._ _

__\---_ _

__Jared didn’t take Jensen up on the invitation. He didn’t seem all that offended either, and thankfully Jared didn’t have to see much of Jensen at work. He mostly worked up front, either helping out behind the bar or filling in for the maître d’. Jared absolutely did not mind those days when he was dressed in a suit._ _

__The running in the morning routine he’d gotten back to was helping him feel a bit better, but Jared still felt like a rain cloud followed him everywhere. He still felt weighed down by dysphoria and sadness. But he was less curt and snappy with others._ _

__His progress came to screeching halt one day when he realized in the middle of filling cannoli’s with cream that his clothes were fitting a little looser. It wasn’t a big deal. He still had a ways to go in losing but as the realization that his pants weren’t digging into his hips hit him he couldn’t breathe._ _

__He put the pastries down with shaky hands and ripped off his gloves. Jared’s vision got a little blurry and quickly sat down on an over-turned crate and letting his head drop into his hands. One of the new interns, Alona, must have noticed him wheezing because he heard her call nervously for Osric. Suddenly there were hands on him, Osric’s hands and he was torn between pushing them away or hanging on for dear life._ _

__“Jared what’s wrong dude? Take deep breaths. Put your head between your legs, alright that’s it. Just breathe buddy. You’re gonna be fine. Alona can you get everybody out of here?” Osric asked. Jared could hear the sound of shuffling feet, he was making scene. People were watching. That thought alone had his throat closing up more. “Fel, get the door.” Osric instructed. Jared felt himself being guided out the back door of the kitchen and into the fresh air outside. Osric lowered him down on the asphalt, his back leaning against the brick wall of the restaurant._ _

__“No, Osric. Make him stand up.” Felicia’s voice broke through. “I’m going to get him some water.”_ _

__Then there were small hands on his wrists, pulling him up. Alona._ _

__“Jared, look at me.” She said pushing his head up gently to face her. He couldn’t breathe, he wanted her hands off but she had a stern look in her eye. It made him uncomfortable. She was so young, barely nineteen and not even out of school yet. Jared was her boss and suddenly the sense of failure overcame him. He was supposed to be teaching the interns this month, not forcing them to coach him through a panic attack. “Twenty jumping jacks. Now.” She said manipulating his arms so that they went up and down. “Jump, come on. Count with me. One, two, three…”_ _

__For a moment Jared wondered why his intern was subjecting him to cruel and unusual punishment. Jumping jacks? He heard Felicia come back and start to protest but Osric shushed her. Jared reluctantly started jumping in sync with the blonde._ _

__By the time he got to ten jumping jacks, his vision cleared and he felt his breathing start to even out. He realized why he was doing jumping jacks._ _

__“Thanks,” he huffed, as Alona helped him sit back down on the asphalt. Felicia handed him a bottle of water with a straw in it and he started drinking from it greedily._ _

__“My brother gets panic attacks.” She shrugged, “I’m used to it. Has that ever happened before?”_ _

__Jared shook his head, and looked up Felicia and Osric who stared back curiously. Silently asking him what was wrong._ _

__“I think I lost weight...” Jared whispered quietly. Alona didn’t ask what he meant but Osric and Felicia just looked at him with sad eyes._ _

__“It’s going to be okay, Jare.” Felicia squeezed his shoulder. “We promise it’s going to be okay.”_ _

__\---_ _

__The staff was filtering back out of the pastry kitchen, most of them heading back to their stations to prepare for the brunch crowd. Jensen saw his father looking worried as he exited the kitchen but Jensen didn’t ask. Instead he went to Matt, who was carefully stirring a pot of sauce, also looking worried._ _

__“What was that all about?” he asked, “Did someone get hurt back there?” he hadn’t gone to see what was causing the scene but it was enough for people to stick their noses in it and he could hear the waitresses chattering on, probably about what happened._ _

__“It was Jared, he’s fine though.” Matt said, never taking his pensive eyes off the pot. “I think he had a panic attack or something. Really he’s okay though. He’s just been through a rough time lately. No need to get concerned over your long lost ex-lover.” Matt teased gently. He looked around quickly to make sure no one had heard him. Alan didn’t know about Jensen and Jared dating in college. Nobody did except Matt._ _

__“What do you mean a rough time?” Jensen pressed further. “What happened?”_ _

__“Not my story to tell Jen.” Matt shrugged, “Don’t go asking anyone about it either. I figure you’ll find out eventually. Just don’t push it.”_ _

__“Uhm, okay…” Jensen said slowly and headed back to the seating area to get back to work. Matt told Jensen everything, they were best friends. He felt a little uncomfortable that Matt wouldn’t tell him but the thought soon left his mind as one of the waitresses came up to ask him a question. Jensen thought it probably wasn’t that important anyway._ _

__\---_ _

__Alan didn’t take no for an answer when he sent Jared home early that afternoon. Jared didn’t protest much either. He knew Alona and the other new interns would help Felicia and Osric with the dinner seating._ _

__The whole ordeal was embarrassing to say the least, he was hoping the rest of the staff would be polite enough to ignore it when he returned to the work the next day. Hopefully._ _

__He crawled into bed as soon as he got home. He unbuttoned his uniform and burrowed under the blankets. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep so he just rested, and let his hands stray to his stomach. His stomach that was soon going to look toned and flat with sculpted abs, the way it was before the pregnancy. His muscles were still there, under a layer of fat that he’d put on with his eating habits. During the pregnancy he’d been eating everything in sight, the cravings made it hard not to sneak a pastry or two at work. His appetite had grown as the baby grew._ _

__When the baby was gone though, he still wouldn’t go back to his normal workout routine so in the almost ten weeks now since the miscarriage the extra baby weight had just stayed. Now that it was slowly going away with every morning that he ran, Jared felt the last physical reminder that she’d ever been inside of him slipping away._ _

__He stared at the mahogany box sitting on his dresser. He cleaned it with a duster everyday so that dust wouldn’t collect on its top. The Box always had a few pictures next to it. One of Jared when he was 16 weeks pregnant, with his mom, dad, brother, sister, Felicia, and Osric at a barbecue. They were all smiling and happy. His sister and Felicia had their hands on his belly. The other picture was the ultrasound. It was the only one. The corners were frayed from Jared touching it so much. He naively kept the pictures there so that The Box wouldn’t look so lonely there up on his dresser._ _

__“I’m sorry.” He whispered out loud. “I’m sorry.”_ _

__\---_ _

__Jared stayed in bed for hours that afternoon. He wasn’t particularly surprised when Felicia and Osric let themselves in after work, but he was surprised to see them both dressed to go out._ _

__“Come on, he seems like a really nice guy.” Felicia whined. “Only for a few hours, and you don’t actually have to order a drink. Just hang out with us.”_ _

__Jared bit his tongue to keep from saying that he already knew Jensen was a nice guy. He really wasn’t sure yet how to broach that subject with his friends._ _

__In the end Jared was practically dragged out of his bed. Felicia gave him a pill he wasn’t so sure he should be taking that was apparently supposed to help him relax. Nobody wanted a repeat of what happened at work. Jared couldn’t fathom actually making himself look nice, so he covered his head with a beanie and pulled on a hoodie that made him feel less self-conscious about… well everything._ _

__The bar was casual, relaxed and Jared tried to feel like his old self as he slid into the back booth with his friends. Matt and Jensen were there, along with Alona, and a waitress named Danneel. They ordered beer and ate chicken wings and all seemed to have an endless list of things to talk aimlessly about. Jared wished he could join in but words just got stuck in his throat and nothing ever seemed worth saying. Jensen looked at him a lot, it made Jared nervous. Because he wasn’t nineteen or twenty years old anymore. He was twenty four and a total mess. Jensen must’ve been thinking about how downhill he looked to have gone compared to when they went out. It was embarrassing and it hurt because Jared hadn’t always been like this. It was hard to think that just two months ago he’d been so happy he could burst._ _

__When Jared excused himself to the men’s room he ran into Matt, who was just heading back to the booth and Jared pulled the dark haired man aside quickly._ _

__“Matt,” he started somewhat awkwardly. “Jensen told me you guys are friends. So I mean, you probably know about us, I was wondering if you could just keep that quiet for now. My friends don’t know.” He explained carefully._ _

__“Jensen asked me to do the same thing, so don’t worry we’re all on the same page.” Matt smiled up at Jared reassuringly._ _

__“Okay,” Jared breathed a sigh of relief, “And you didn’t t-tell him about m-my…” Jared stopped and took a deep breath but Matt cut him off before he could start again._ _

__“No.” Matt said quietly. “He knows you’re going through a rough time but he doesn’t know the details. Alan and the rest of the staff aren’t telling him either. It’s none of our business really I figure if you want to tell him, you’ll tell him.”_ _

__“Thank you.” Jared choked out. “Seriously, thanks.”_ _

__“No problem.” Matt smiled as he made his way back to the booth._ _

__Felicia had given him a look when she realized Jared hadn’t eaten anything but a few pretzels but otherwise the rest of the night went okay. Jared was anxious to leave though. As everyone was outside and saying their farewells, Jensen came right up to Jared which caught him off guard._ _

__“You still have my number?” Jensen asked. “It hasn’t changed since college so you should call me if you ever want to hang out.” He gave Jared that charming smile, he was standing a little closer than normal to Jared and he had to refrain from taking a step back._ _

__“Uhm, sure.” Jared shrugged, figuring he still had the contact among the hundreds in his phone. “Jensen…” he sighed and let his shoulders slump. He pulled Jensen to the side, away from the group a little bit. “Look I’m not really interested in going out right now.” Jared cringed as he saw Jensen’s expression drop a little bit._ _

__“Oh.” Jensen said softly. “It’s okay. I get it. I just thought… you know we were so good together. We had a lot of fun and we sort of broke it off for a lame reason. It can be like that again?” Jensen asked hopefully. “Casual. I won’t pressure you or anything but we… well I mean you just look so great and when I saw you in Pops’ restaurant I thought we could like, rekindle that or something. I haven’t had much luck in the dating department over the last few years.” Jensen almost kept rambling but Jared saw him press his lips together tightly to stop himself. He huffed out a breezy laugh and shook his head. He stepped towards Jared and put a hand on his waist._ _

__Jared shifted a little bit, Jensen was touching him. Like really touching him and he was so out of shape. Before he could step away he felt Jensen press a gentle kiss to Jared’s cheek. He felt the spot practically start buzzing as if Jensen had fireworks on his lips._ _

__“See ya later, Jare.” He stepped away and headed towards a cab where Danneel, Alona, and Matt were waiting._ _

__Jared turned around to meet the eyes of his two friends, feeling kind of dazed. They were both smiling like maniacs._ _

__“Guys, I think I need to tell you something about Jensen.”_ _


End file.
